Lordy, Lordy...

Guess I'm 40.

This week has been a bit of a roller coaster emotionally, and I'm finally sitting down to reflect on my birthday that occurred on Wednesday.  I received so many kind words through notes, texts, phone calls, and thoughtful gifts - from long ago friends to current ones, and several in between.  I've only had time to read them once, but hope to many more and try to allow them to soak in.  I am afraid I am not able to thank everyone individually at this time, but please know that I SO needed it and am appreciative of the time and energy that people took to think of me.  Indeed, I could use that more often - as I imagine we all could.  It's like a shot of adrenaline.  One I hope to pay back to many of you in time.

Truth be told - I haven't exactly been excited about the age change and been very aware of my mortality as of late.  Don't worry, I'm not going to go there in this post and my health is good (at least that I am aware of).  Suffice it to say, I don't want to let go of my 30's.  They were good to me.

I am so grateful for the first 40 years and am doing my best to not take it for granted.  There are many that don't make it this far...  Nevertheless, strangely, I feel like I am just getting started in this life.  Truly.  The kids are at such a great age.  We just went for a 10 mile bike ride with nary a complaint or skinned knee.  This morning the family all contributed to household chores and three of us (minus Selah) are currently enjoying a James Bond movie.  Jason and I are relishing our 16th year of marriage and have so much more to go!   I truly enjoy him and wouldn't want anyone else by my side.  And on Wednesday, we had a mentor orientation for N2LIFE where we had more potential volunteers show up than expected (double).  How great is that!?!  Just writing these things down and in public causes me to fear I may be sabotaging myself.

My life is good.  Really.  There are certainly struggles, adjusted plans, etc.  Yet, there is so much to look forward to (God willing - family vacations, sharing our love of X-files & Smallville, dating, graduations, marriage, grandchildren, etc) as well as some difficult stuff that may be approaching.

All this to say, my hope for my 40's is to be present.  In the here and now.  I hope to not let the fear of joy rob me of all I have to celebrate or to get so busy that I disengage from the things that make my heart beat.  I am so thankful for my red headed posse, the hard work that I've chosen, and all of the people (friend and foe) that led me to these great places.

Nevertheless, in the spirit of now, I have to go to the bathroom and then plan some parties.  :)

Thank you again friends, for making my birthday so special.